I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
