God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
