We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
