either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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