Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
