Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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