I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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