After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I supernannyed him into submission
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
