I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
