What did we do last night that was yellow?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
