the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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