Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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