Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
