It's Friday. Sex?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
