Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
