dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
