Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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