He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
