You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
did you just send me my own nude
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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