so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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