Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
