I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
