your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
