You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
