oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
