I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
