To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
