I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize