R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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