Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
