Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
