Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize