i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
