Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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