Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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