An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
