I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
