You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
