dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's never too late to be topless.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
