I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
vagina is talking i cant
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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