everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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