Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He did a backflip because drugs
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
