nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
