weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he thought i was a dude.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize