seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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