I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
