Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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