I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
