there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
