watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
