I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
