Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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