Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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