Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize