Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
