is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
