My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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