ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
