I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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