It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I love you. Go after that dick
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
