Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
