when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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