70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
