Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
