Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
