Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sorry about my life...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize