Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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