Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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